Why oh why..

Does it need to be like this! I watched a really good movie today though... Harmful Insect, Japanese made in 2001 directed by Akihiko Shiota starring a very young and cute Aoi Miyazaki. I have been waiting to see this movie for years and wasn't disappointed in the least. I love the ability of Japanese movies to show us that being young is not at all the same as it was when someone my age was. It's hard now, I wouldn't go back for any reason. It's all about a 13 year old girl and basically the horrible things that happen to her. I admit to being a softy, so I will admit to crying. This isn't going to be the run of the mill review, I don't want to give anything away. That is how I went into watching it, knew I had wanted to see it 10 years ago and being able to today was the highlight, that and the little bit of rain we got. Ok, not much time before bed but now that I have my google account off of lock down I'll be here more. toodles.

urrggghhhh

It's one of those constants in life, are you going to try? You going to give in? Going to give up? At times it's hard not to just daydream about all the trials being over, no more bills, jobs, living. That is a bit vague I know but I'm trying not to be too cynical. I have the moments of pure inspiration followed by the days of depression at the thought of trying...and failing. Who knows what person out there has that inspiration that makes an artist, writer, actor any of the arts based "jobs". Who knows which skeleton lays in the ground that should have been the 20th century Homer? I think about it and there are probably millions. Just the stress of living from day to day is becoming a more widespread disease, taking people out one by one. I don't pity myself, I pity the millions of people who feel like they are here with no real purpose. Maybe I am being to grandiose on the subject but it's what scares me the most in life, no function, no reality and no life. In order to have a life one must first live, it's becoming harder by the second to do so in any sort of fashion outside the put off one debt to pay another. It hurts the inner self or what you may refer to as a soul, or maybe just the brain. I don't know, I'm trying hard to make myself live. I don't want to be a quitter.

The loose theory on tennis...

I enjoy watching tennis, not football. More later on this captivating subject.

the general conundrum

I'm not sure anymore that things are going to get better, not just for me but for the entire world. I want to retain my childlike sense of naivety, but it's getting harder and harder. When food becomes something you need but don't have, that is a great big public broadcast announcement. When people all over are living in fear of loosing it all, when religion has become an excuse to condemn rather than help, when people are trying to convince parents that their children don't need an education unless they can afford to pay for one...the general population moral compass has hit polar north and is just spinning in circles. I try to keep my posts upbeat because it helps me to be upbeat, but it's a hard reality to face that all the things you grew up with could disappear in a second. I am done for the evening.

I think..

I am running out of time, energy, money, sanity, humor and food. I am not however unloved, ergo I think I am on top. I could flip at any moment though.

I want a wookie not a bear...

Seriously if I was to choose a life size pet I would prefer a wookie to a large hairy gay man. Why you ask, well even though wookies shed it probably wouldn't look like someone rubbed their pubes all over your home. I'm not sure what wookies eat but I probably would not have to shop at whole foods to get it. Wookies are cute, and while many bears are also cute I doubt wookies bring drunk men to your home. I bring enough drunk men to my home all on my own. I also don't think a bear would save me from being frozen in carbonite by jaba the hutt. All in all I think I would prefer Ron Pearlman from the 80's melodrama Beauty and the Beast on rogain. The ultimate pet would be an albino midget, If you ever see one bag it for me.

funky ass stupidity

Seriously I wanna be able to walk about in a big adult sized onesy (like they have for babies) and poop wherever I like. Other than that I want to be able to pay off everything I own but that is less likely to happen than the other. So I make my way through the days with a dance and a song trying not to turn into a modern day vaudevillian a joke of a joke of myself. If I could get paid to do that though, I'd put on the tap shoes without a moments hesitation. I want to be one of those ladies who gets paid to bitch and gossip on the television but, I want to make up horrendous things about people who don't really exist of if they do are far to young to sue me. I'm talking like inventing horrid scandals about toddlers and what goes on in the sandbox. Can't be any worse than the news. I want to be in politics and make all those suggestions for things that will never ever happen, like actual equality or legalizing prostitution among other things. I wanna be on the Jack Benny show, so someone make me that time travel suit that travels on the string theory to Jack Benny. Short of these things I'll take a coke with some ice and a nice evening without any jackals attacking my house.