my freelance dream...

I am trying to get back into the writing for the information process. If my world was completely as planned I would be writing for a magazine or on-line information outlet of some sort. I have done my part and have received the pay-check for writing, life sort of got in the way. I have kicked life in the stomach and said "we have but a short time on this planet" so go fuck yourself. All that being said and done, I need to start being serious about all of this so here I go.

occupying

I love the idea of people running around stating their case and generally making a ripple in the ocean that is corrupt politics. I also think that in order for us to be heard we need to decide on the things that matter most, come up with say 3 to 5 (at the most) demands that would make the world better for everyone. I know that sounds like I'm trying to exclude people but I'm not really, in order to get a foot in the door you got to have a good sales pitch. Once you are in the door you can ad any number of things to the point you are trying to get across. I don't know maybe I'm being silly and not thinking of the big anarchist mantra of "destroy then rebuild" but I have always said show me a revolutionary coup, I'll show you the dictator that followed. I hope that this amazing world wide showing of support and tenacity will lead to some change in the sad world we live in. I really hope so. I also hope that we can live in a real democracy not the one we live in now where there is truth and happiness for those that have, and ridicule and desperation for those who have not. Somewhere and somehow their has to be a livable medium for everyone so that the bit about the pursuit of happiness becomes obtainable to us all.

Why oh why..

Does it need to be like this! I watched a really good movie today though... Harmful Insect, Japanese made in 2001 directed by Akihiko Shiota starring a very young and cute Aoi Miyazaki. I have been waiting to see this movie for years and wasn't disappointed in the least. I love the ability of Japanese movies to show us that being young is not at all the same as it was when someone my age was. It's hard now, I wouldn't go back for any reason. It's all about a 13 year old girl and basically the horrible things that happen to her. I admit to being a softy, so I will admit to crying. This isn't going to be the run of the mill review, I don't want to give anything away. That is how I went into watching it, knew I had wanted to see it 10 years ago and being able to today was the highlight, that and the little bit of rain we got. Ok, not much time before bed but now that I have my google account off of lock down I'll be here more. toodles.

urrggghhhh

It's one of those constants in life, are you going to try? You going to give in? Going to give up? At times it's hard not to just daydream about all the trials being over, no more bills, jobs, living. That is a bit vague I know but I'm trying not to be too cynical. I have the moments of pure inspiration followed by the days of depression at the thought of trying...and failing. Who knows what person out there has that inspiration that makes an artist, writer, actor any of the arts based "jobs". Who knows which skeleton lays in the ground that should have been the 20th century Homer? I think about it and there are probably millions. Just the stress of living from day to day is becoming a more widespread disease, taking people out one by one. I don't pity myself, I pity the millions of people who feel like they are here with no real purpose. Maybe I am being to grandiose on the subject but it's what scares me the most in life, no function, no reality and no life. In order to have a life one must first live, it's becoming harder by the second to do so in any sort of fashion outside the put off one debt to pay another. It hurts the inner self or what you may refer to as a soul, or maybe just the brain. I don't know, I'm trying hard to make myself live. I don't want to be a quitter.

The loose theory on tennis...

I enjoy watching tennis, not football. More later on this captivating subject.

the general conundrum

I'm not sure anymore that things are going to get better, not just for me but for the entire world. I want to retain my childlike sense of naivety, but it's getting harder and harder. When food becomes something you need but don't have, that is a great big public broadcast announcement. When people all over are living in fear of loosing it all, when religion has become an excuse to condemn rather than help, when people are trying to convince parents that their children don't need an education unless they can afford to pay for one...the general population moral compass has hit polar north and is just spinning in circles. I try to keep my posts upbeat because it helps me to be upbeat, but it's a hard reality to face that all the things you grew up with could disappear in a second. I am done for the evening.

I think..

I am running out of time, energy, money, sanity, humor and food. I am not however unloved, ergo I think I am on top. I could flip at any moment though.

I want a wookie not a bear...

Seriously if I was to choose a life size pet I would prefer a wookie to a large hairy gay man. Why you ask, well even though wookies shed it probably wouldn't look like someone rubbed their pubes all over your home. I'm not sure what wookies eat but I probably would not have to shop at whole foods to get it. Wookies are cute, and while many bears are also cute I doubt wookies bring drunk men to your home. I bring enough drunk men to my home all on my own. I also don't think a bear would save me from being frozen in carbonite by jaba the hutt. All in all I think I would prefer Ron Pearlman from the 80's melodrama Beauty and the Beast on rogain. The ultimate pet would be an albino midget, If you ever see one bag it for me.

funky ass stupidity

Seriously I wanna be able to walk about in a big adult sized onesy (like they have for babies) and poop wherever I like. Other than that I want to be able to pay off everything I own but that is less likely to happen than the other. So I make my way through the days with a dance and a song trying not to turn into a modern day vaudevillian a joke of a joke of myself. If I could get paid to do that though, I'd put on the tap shoes without a moments hesitation. I want to be one of those ladies who gets paid to bitch and gossip on the television but, I want to make up horrendous things about people who don't really exist of if they do are far to young to sue me. I'm talking like inventing horrid scandals about toddlers and what goes on in the sandbox. Can't be any worse than the news. I want to be in politics and make all those suggestions for things that will never ever happen, like actual equality or legalizing prostitution among other things. I wanna be on the Jack Benny show, so someone make me that time travel suit that travels on the string theory to Jack Benny. Short of these things I'll take a coke with some ice and a nice evening without any jackals attacking my house.

time makes me dizzy...

Time has been a frugal stranger lately, I work such odd hours that I find myself loosing my time. It's a weird phenomena when you have all the time in the world you just don't care. It's like having money, you only really care about it when it's gone. The same apply's to time, you don't make the most of it when you have all you can use. To be geeky I watch Dr Who quite a bit and the doctor doesn't much think about time until something bad is going to happen. Say like when a companion is about to hit the concrete running, then the nostalgia works get flowing. I'm not sure anyone besides Dr Who fanatics will get that reference but what the hell. I think this whole meditation comes from not enough sleep lately. I just haven't been counting the sheep like I used ta. I feel them coming on tonight, I hope they keep trotting over my head for at least 8 hours. I saw something good today, another road-kill hair weave. I don't know if folks aren't using enough glue on their hair but be carful, no one likes to see good hair on the side of the road. j

if I could sell my brain for a six pack...

I probably would have at one point but now maybe not. It's not quite the zinger it once was but still able to go poo in the toilet and not on the floor etc... I have the feeling that I try to avoid facing the stuff I don't really want to do, but who doesn't. The problem with that is I got some pretty heavy stuff to face. I'm sorta shaky today but that probably just means I should eat. I wanted to write something very poignant today but it looks like that might have to be later cause I have to shower, eat and go to work. The fun never ends. j

i'm gettin all inspired and shit

Ok I have been writing since I was a child. My mother can prove it but you don't want to talk to her. I have millions of stories, some are complete others... not so much. I have been published as a contributor to "Destroy all Movies" (edited by Zach Carlson), I am working on potentially good stuff that my lead to other good stuff. I just have to get off my ass and get to the grindstone or the taco bar, whichever works. I used to write like a young genius whilst intoxicated but alas I can no longer imbibe the way I used to. I still have the idea's but now I have to force myself to sit down to work, after or before the work that buys me toilet paper. Great god toilet paper I sing thy praises. I am confused by all the "lady power" stuff such as roller derby and naked yoga or whatever. No desire to hang out with a bunch of power mad women on wheels whose desire it is to put you in the hospital for new knees. Allrighty then, enough rant for one evening. Hope you are doing better tomorrow than you are right now. j

So it's the first of another try to blog. We'll see how it goes. I'm doing the twitter thing too, who knows maybe I will stick to it and make myself productive. I need to get all my projects done and maybe I will. Just trying to make it through in one piece. My dog loves me though, a little too much sometimes but wouldn't change it fer the world. So be a smarty and read a book.